Something I Can't Have
by Muggleborn-Meghan1992
Summary: This is like there was no Deathly Hallows yet...and only part of HBP. complete fluff, worked hard on it...review if you like. that would be nice. RonHermione


**Okay this is just a plot bunny I had at like 11:30 last night and it wouldn't leave me alone. So please just R&R. I made this a oneshot…just a long one. And since all of you know about my updating abilities (they suck for those of you who don't know) and so this will probably stay a oneshot. So don't ask, ok? Oh and this is pre-deathly hallows. Yeah…just though I would say that considering I started writing this several months ago and never finished it. **

**LoTsA LoVe**

**MaYe **

A noise suddenly stirred the still, sleepy air of the Gryffindor common room. Hermione Granger looked up from her homework that she was doing at a table near a window as she heard the common room door swing open. The entire Quidditch team came in from their practice, and they looked tired and dirty. The practice, although it looked like it must have been rough, was apparently a success because the entire team seemed to be in a good mood. Including her two best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasly. Just the sight of him, with his tousled red hair and his spattering of freckles, made millions of butterflies well up in her stomach. She felt herself go red as she thought about how much she had come to appreciate every little thing about him. But a moment later, a feeling of sorrowful, painful agony pierced her heart.

For just as she had suspected, Lavender Brown jumped out of the chair she was sitting in with an enormous smile on her face and gave a gleeful cry of "Won-won!". They looked so happy together. Hermione didn't like being envious of the girl, because it wasn't like Lavender was trying to hurt her on purpose. But she couldn't help feeling a little sorry for herself and trying to find someone, anyone, else to lay the blame on.

She might be able to admit that she had messed it up all on her own inside her head, but definitely not out loud to anyone else. _You had your chance. You blew it. _She told herself. _Stupid girl. Foolish girl. _Now any chance that she had ever had to start a relationship with Ron was gone. Not that he would likely stay with Lavender forever, but seeing them together made Hermione realize that he would move on and like other people. Sometimes she wished that she could go back to their first year, when she absolutely despised him and every little thing about him, from his bumbling feet to his sarcastic tone, annoyed the mess out of her. But the days were long gone when Hermione could think of Ron only as a schoolmate, or even as a friend. She wanted so much more….but she knew it could never happen. Hermione gave a depressed sigh and then returned to her homework after taking one last look at Lavender and Ron. _Get over it. _She lectured herself sternly. _Its not worth getting worked up. Just do the assignment…don't look at them…don't think about it…_

When he entered the common room and saw her sitting there, Ron Weasly was all but brought to his knees. _She's so beautiful, _he mused silently to himself. _And so smart. _Hermione's hair was swept out of her face in an untidy bun. She looked tired, probably, he guessed, from doing homework.

He wanted to talk to her; every inch of him was begging to be allowed to be closer to her. But before he could even start that way, his girlfriend, Lavender, had forced herself into his arms and was now attempting to try and kiss him.

"Lavender, not here." He told her, looking around at all the people watching them.

"Oh, come on!" she said irritably. "No one cares."

"I care," he said grumpily at her lack of understanding, but to no avail. She dragged him over to the couches. Minutes passed and the only noises were from the rowdy crowd of Quidditch players and the crackling of the common room fire. Not a word was spoken between the two teenagers.

"Ron?" Lavender suddenly asked dreamily.

"Hmmm?" he said. He had been anticipating her saying something else.

"I love you." The words hit Ron like a ton of cold water splashing him directly in the face. He had no idea what he should do. He didn't love her, he knew he never could as long as he still knew of Hermione Granger. He stayed quiet for a moment. Then he said the only reasonable thing he could think of to say.

"Okay." And he hugged her. She didn't say anything else, but put her head on his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder at Hermione who seemed buried in her homework. She ran a finger through her bushy hair and gave a sigh. For just a moment, she glanced up, and their eyes met. Slowly a small smile spread over her face. He picked up the arm that Lavender wasn't using and waved. She gave a halfhearted wave back, then glanced back down at her paper. Ron tried to grasp the feeling of the exact moment when their eyes made contact. It was a wonderful, amazing, totally out of control feeling that made him feel like the luckiest and best guy that there was or would ever be. He couldn't exactly describe it to himself any better than that. He wanted to know the secret of what about her eyes, her smile, her voice did that to him. He didn't know, but he was prepared to spend the rest of his life trying to figure it out. Ron smiled again and then suddenly looked down.

Lavenders light brown hair was sprawled all over his shoulder. She was the only problem. He felt completely horrible. On the one hand, he had a young woman who claimed to have loved him, the one whom he was dating and then on the other was Hermione, who he loved more than words could imagine but that would probably never even look at him again if he so much as made mention of the two of them together. Lavender was nice and smart and seemed to really like him…was he willing to throw that all away for something that might not happen? _Yes, _he admitted to himself silently. _Because if it ever did happen it would be worth giving up anything else for. _

It was very hard for Hermione to concentrate on her homework with Ron and Lavender a few feet away. Between Ron waving at her earlier and the thought of him and the girl sitting very close to him on the sofa, she could barely concentrate. She was about to try to call it a night when her boyfriend came through the common room opening. Cormac McLaggen walked over to where she was sitting with somewhat of an arrogant manner.

"Hey doll," he said when he reached her, giving her a swift kiss on the check.

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that?" she asked with a sigh. "I hate the name doll. It sounds like your comparing me to a toy."

"But your so cute that you remind me of a doll," he said teasingly. Hermione broke into an unwilling grin. Sure, sometimes she felt that she couldn't tolerate him, like when he went on and on about Quidditch. But he had his likeable moments too. She'd found in the past few months that he was very nice and a cool person to be around. She felt like he was a good friend, and her relationship with him was light and fun. They teased a lot and played jokes on each other almost daily. But lately, Cormac had been trying to push things to a more intimate level, which Hermione kept trying to put off. So she was thoroughly enjoyed to see him as his normal, joking, carefree self.

"Oh fine," she said punching him lightly on the shoulder. He smiled at her, but then looked down and frowned at the piles of books she had been sitting behind.

"How long have you kept yourself cooped up here doing homework?" he asked, waving his hand accusingly over the vast amount of books.

"We've been over this before Cormac," she giggled. "I-Like-homework." She said slowly and carefully, enunciating every word in the sentence.

"Well I think you need a break," he said, a playful hint to his tone. Then, before she knew what he was doing, he had scooped her up, cradle-like, in his arms and carried her over to the door which opened for them. Even though Hermione was quite enjoying herself with Cormac, she still couldn't keep one simple, little guilty thought out of her mind. And that thought would have changed everything. _I only wish that he were Ron. _

Ron almost couldn't stand just sitting there while McLaggen toted off the girl of his dreams, and seeing the look on Hermione's laughing face as they left the common room together. He couldn't help wondering where they would be going and what kind of things that they might do together. Mostly with him and Lavender, it was physical or she watched him play Quidditch. They didn't talk all that much, and they certainly didn't do things together. Ron couldn't even think of a time where they had spent the day in Hogsmeade together.

But Hermione and McLaggen seemed to actually get along pretty well, and even though their relationship was easy going and more friendly than intimate, they had been paired as boyfriend and girlfriend and so the thought of the two of them together made him insanely jealous. Of course, even though he would have been jealous with any guy being with Hermione, it made it worse that it was McLaggen. Lavender stirred on his arm and he almost jumped. He had been so in though that he almost forgot she was there. And again the battle started raging in his mind….Lavender or Hermione? He knew which one was practical and then again, he knew what he really wanted. And, nice as Lavender was, he really couldn't see that the relationship with her was going to improve or that it would eventually work itself out. He gently brushed her hair away from her face. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, then opened. She smiled at him.

"Sorry, I must have dozed off." She said dreamily. "What is it?"

"I need to….talk to you. About something important." He started off, choosing his words carefully.

"What's wrong?" she said, a frown now having replaced her glowing smile.

"Well see, the thing is…I don't think we should see each other anymore." The sentence hung in the silence, like some dreadful weight over their heads.

"Excuse me?" Lavender asked shrilly and suddenly.

"I'm sorry Lavender, but I just think that we should-" he tried to start explaining, but she cut him off.

"Do we have to talk about this here? I really don't think that I want the whole common room to hear this."

So, dread filling him with ever step he took, Ron followed Lavender out of the common room and down a flight of stairs until the reached an empty corridor a level away from where anyone could hear them.

"All right, what's going on Ron?" Lavender asked. "A while ago every thing was fine and now you say that you don't think we should be together. Will you please explain to me what that's about?"

"Well I have been thinking about this for a while and I just don't think that our relationship is getting anywhere. I mean its almost all snogging, isn't it?" By the look on Lavender's face, Ron knew he had said the wrong words.

"So you think that's all we have?"

"Ummm. Yeah." Ron said, deciding on the spot that since things were already bad, it couldn't hurt to be a bit more honest. Lavender guffawed haughtily.

"Why that's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. We talk all the time." She gave her hand a dismissive wave. "Is that the only thing that bothers you with our relationship?"

"No, well its kind of…I think I might….. I like someone else." Ron hurried up and tried to finish, because he could tell that something was about to happen, only he wasn't sure if Lavender was going to start crying or slap him across the face. "I just don't think that I can date someone while I like someone else." Ron finished his sentence and closed his eyes, waiting for the explosion he knew was about to happen. Miraculously it didn't come. He opened his eyes and Lavender was staring at him curiously and there were tears forming in the edges of her eyes.

"Who is it?" Even though she asked calmly and coolly, he knew he sensed sadness hidden in her words. The silence in the corridor seemed instantly hot and stuffy. Ron considered turning around and running the other direction, but this was no good, as he would have to face her sooner or later anyhow. So he remained silent, and stared at his shoes. _Why on earth did she want to know that?_ Ron mused to himself silently. _You would think that breaking it off would be bad enough but now she wants to stand around and talk about the reason I ended it? _Lavender cleared her throat and he looked up at her.

"Well?" she said, obviously trying to prompt him to talk about it.

"Well no offense, but I don't really want to talk about it." He hadn't meant it to sound so mean, but it was the truth. She had no right to be prodding and poking around in his business.

"Well no offense, but I think you kind of at least owe me that. I mean, I just want to know who it is my boyfriends dumping me for." There were daggers around the words and Ron was momentarily shocked. He hadn't ever heard Lavender speak with such malice in her voice before. She was right in a way, but he hadn't ever admitted his feeling out loud to anyone not even Harry, and he didn't really want to tell Lavender. But even against his better judgement, he did.

"Hermione." He mumbled. Lavender just simply started at him for a moment, then she gave a sad little half smile.

"I knew I couldn't keep you…I always knew that she would win out in the end."

"What are you talking about?" Ron said.

"Oh come on, every one knows. Except apparently you two."

"Knows what?" Ron had the feeling he was poking a sleeping dragon in the eye by asking this, but proceeded anyway.

"That you two had something going on."

"But we don't!" Ron answered angrily. "I don't have any kind of relationship with her. It's not like I was cheating on you!"

"You just don't get it, do you? You still liked her while we were dating. Its comes to the same thing. But whatever…its behind us. I'll see you later Ron." And with that, Lavender turned on her heel and walked away. She left Ron feeling very confused but very elated all the same.

"Cormac!" Hermione shrieked through her giggles, "Put me down!" She laughed as he carried her out onto the grounds and set her down on the grass.

"If you insist…"he said slyly, and as soon as he put her down he proceeded to tickle her mercilessly.

"I give, I give!" He stopped and all of a sudden she found herself face to face to his twinkling eyes. He was much too close, she could feel the warmth radiating from his body.

He leaned in more towards her and looked like he was going to kiss her. His face was mere centimeters away from hers when she stopped him. She put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away.

"Cormac, I'm sorry, but I really don't want that." He looked at her dejectedly, unhappiness etched in his face.

"Well then tell me what you do want…because I'm starting to get the feeling that whatever it is you want…it isn't me." Hermione tried to look anywhere but at him as she felt her face burn with guilt.

"I'm just not sure that I want to be intimate with you. I mean you are a great friend and really sweet and someday you are going to make somebody really happy. Its just that….well I fell for somebody a long time ago and I never really quite picked myself up again. And its hard because even though I like you as my friend, I cant think of loving you while I still really like him." Cormac didn't look happy exactly, but he did look understanding.

"You know, I do get it. The way you are feeling and all. Its just kind of hard to accept and of course it hurts just the teeniest little bit." He gave kind of a grimace. "But I'll walk out of the situation like a gentleman. And a gentleman would never deny a lady that he cares about the chance to pursue her true love." He got to his feet and stood towering over her for a moment before extending his hand down to help her up.

"It's been a lot of fun." He said and gave her a hug. She tried to smile at him. She couldn't thank him enough for understanding. There was a few moments akward silence.

"Soo….friends?" Hermione asked finally.

"Friends." He said, giving a true smile this time. "Well I'd better get back up to the castle." He said indicating the towering structure behind them.

"Yeah, me too." Hermione agreed quickly. She wanted to find Ron before the corridors were off limits for the night. They started off towards the castle together and when they got to the doors they went their separate ways. As she started off down the hallway she heard him calling after her.

"Oh, and tell Ron from me he's a lucky son of a gun and better realize it, okay?" She turned around to ask him what he meant but he shot her a smirk and hurried down the hallway. She shrugged and kept walking at a hurried place. She looked every where that she thought Ron might be but no luck. Then, with about twenty minutes until lights out, she decided that she might as well check the courtyard while she was near it. And that was where she found him, sitting on a bench gazing up at the stars and moon. He had his back to her and didn't hear her walk up next to him.

"Hey stranger." She whispered into his ear. He jumped a little bit but turned around and when he saw who it was beamed at her.

"Hey yourself. What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Looking for you." she answered simply. He looked surprised but quickly tried to mask it.

"Oh?" he said, tried to sound nonchalant but not quite pulling it off. "What did you need?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something….its kind of important." Hermione answered slowly and carefully.

"Funny, " he said. " I wanted to talk to you about something too."

"Well you go first," Hermione said politely. He gazed at her for a minute, then ran his fingers through his hair and looked away.

"Lavender told me she loved me." The words felt like a knife straight to her gut. She tried to remain her composure and fought to not let her eyes water up.

"Well please don't tell me you just stood there and patted her on the back Ron." She laughed but her tough words didn't support the weakness she felt inside her.

"Actually I did at first." He said smiling. "But then I got to thinking and I decided that I could never really love her. Not with you on my mind all of the time anyway." Hermione jerked her head up and looked over at him. His face and ears were as red as his hair.

"So….." she said, trying to prompt him to tell her more.

"So I told her that our relationship wasn't going anywhere and that I liked someone else." He looked up at her finally and he looked a little scared. She let out a great laugh of relief. He looked horror stricken.

"All right then forget I said anything about it." Which made Hermione laugh even harder.

"It's not you," she said grasping for breath, "I was just so worried for a second that you were going to say you loved lavender or something at first. Why didn't you start off with saying you dumped her?" He grinned sheepishly.

"I dunno. So I mean, I know up until now I haven't like really ever done anything that gives me that right to ask you out or anything and if you said no I would understand…devastated but understanding….well, would you be my girlfriend?"

"How devastated are we talking here?" Hermione smirked evilly and her eyes twinkled.

"So devastated that all the earth would feel my pain." He said, taking a step closer to her in the moonlight filled courtyard and taking her hand.

"Well, we wouldn't want that. Yes, I'll go out with you." this had to be the happiest moment of her life. She saw his gorgeous eyes, sparkling with love and care for her, and she knew the same thing must be reflected in her own. Then he put his lips on hers and she forgot everything. The courtyard seemed to fade around them, and Hermione lost all of her senses except the feel of Ron and the fluttering of her heart. She forgot time and other people, nothing was going to separate them. Correction….this was the best moment of her life.


End file.
